Alright so today I figured, hey why not try improving my baseball skills? Saw this dude Matthew Dallas trending somewhere, assumed he’s some hotshot player, so grabbed my dusty mitt and headed to the park. Total impulse thing.
The Warm-Up Disaster
Started simple, right? Just throwing the ball against a wall. Sounds easy. Was not easy. First few throws went wild. Like, way wild. One smacked the fence. Another nearly took out some poor guy walking his dog. Felt my face get hot. Shouted a sorry, mumbled something about wind.
Okay, okay, settled down. Focused on just catching my own rebound. Got smacked right in the palm. Hurt like heck. Stuck with it though, managed about ten decent catches in a row. Tiny victory!
Swinging Like a Wet Noodle
Brought out my old aluminum bat. Remembered people talking about Matthew Dallas having power. Thought “How hard can hitting be?” Spoiler: Very.
- First swing: Missed the ball completely. Whiffed air.
- Second swing: Topped it, rolled pathetically to my feet.
- Third swing: Felt a weird thud in my shoulder. Hurt.
Started overthinking. Feet placement? Hand grip? Eyes on the ball? Tried everything I vaguely recalled. Mostly just got more misses or weak grounders. Felt super clumsy. That ball kept winning.
The Pitching Experiment (Big Mistake)
Saw some kids playing catch nearby. Offered to pitch for them. Big ego move. Kid just stood there, bat ready, looking skeptical.
First “pitch”… bounced way before it reached him. Second one nearly beamed him. Third? Flew over his head. Kid lowered the bat, stared at me. “Mister, you kinda suck.” Brutal honesty. His dad hustled him away real quick. Packed up my stuff, face burning again, feeling like a total joke pretending I knew anything about Matthew Dallas or baseball.
The Lesson? Eh…
Walked home feeling useless. Shoulders aching, palm still stinging. Tossed the mitt onto the pile in my garage. Maybe that Matthew Dallas guy has some secret? Maybe he just practiced a bajillion hours? Honestly, dunno and kinda don’t care now. Baseball isn’t my thing. Simple as that. Stick to what you know. Trying new things is fine, but getting your ego stomped by ten-year-olds? Yeah, that stings. Still got no clue who Matthew Dallas actually is. Just some name that started this whole dumb afternoon.
